its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
