He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
