This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
