so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
