I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
