I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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