Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
