I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
