You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
