You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
