I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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