I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
