Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
