When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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