Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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