I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
