Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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