My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
