I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
