this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
