I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you win again, gameday.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
