I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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