This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
