i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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