My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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