I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
