my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
