And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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