Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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