Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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