Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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