Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
