I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
