oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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