I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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