Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
so much tequila, so little girl.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am naked and annoyed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
