i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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