Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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