There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
