addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
