I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
