I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
