I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
