I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
