he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
