i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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