i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
