K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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