i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
