Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
