just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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