You can't motorboat a personality
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
